Do you remember?
by Mystfaery
Summary: Jean reflecting after Scott's "death" in the twelve saga


Do you remember?  
  
By Mystfaery  
  
I don't own them I've never owned them etc. Marvel comics owns all the characters yadda yadda. All I own is the idea.  
  
Summary: Jean after the death of Scott  
  
Someone has shut me down, it hurts so badly like someone tore me in half... and they did. I loved you for so long, it was like you were a part of me. Remember when I first came to the mansion? I may have acted self-assured, but I was so scared inside. All I wanted to do was run away and never come back, but I stayed and found something I never expected. You, my soulmate, my other half. I soared in my mind that night of Bobby's eighteenth Birthday when we both so cautiously admitted we loved each other, I had never more alive. I could feel your love for me it was almost tangible, it was ... amazing like a drug.  
  
Phoenix loved you with all her-my soul as much as she could, in some ways she stole that from me, but you believed that she was I and she was. I never told you that you and your intense love and passion was the thing that gave her the strength and courage to kill her physical body. When I came my first thought was of you my lover Scott not my leader Cyclops, but the two were, are always intertwined. Finding out about your marriage hurt me so badly, until I realised that in many ways Maddie is me. Fates so cruel, I or rather forms of me have died so many times, yet I continue constantly reborn like the Phoenix I am named for. I can only hope and pray that you can do the same.  
  
My Wedding to you was like a dream with all the X-men - our family- I could feel your nerves at the back of my head, that I wouldn't decide to marry you - the little orphan boy. But in many ways our union was complete so long ago on that peak in New Mexico when you and Phoenix set up that mind link. She had my soul and created a soul bond between us. We even had children; Cable, Rachel and even Nate.  
  
So, many times I accidentally caught the stray thought of someone wondering how on earth such an uptight man managed to catch me or why I stay-no stayed- with you. The answer is in fact you put up with me. I don't deserve you- I never have. You're such a kind, wonderful man- a natural born leader. I'm messy and often irritable and yet you adore me like a treasure.  
  
Do you remember our 'honeymoon'? I don't see how you could forget. Twelve years long and still it was too short, we became a family and I stopped caring that I hadn't given birth to Nate because *I was his mother* I saw him learn to walk, taught him to speak both Askani and English, tossed him in the air with my telekinesis. I saw you turn her head away to hide the tears that ran out of your eyes the first time he called you "Slim" I saw what made this child become the adult that is still our son. It hurt so badly when we had to leave him, our happy family was destroyed.  
  
Back in our time, we leapt back into the thick of being super-heroes with Magneto, but we were so much closer, so much more...one. It was magical being married to you, my Prince Charming. No one else saw and felt me cry when the Professor turned into Onslaught and after, I held you as you cried for our mentor as well. But the  
  
x-men never saw your moments of weakness and you were strong leading us against the man who is in many ways your father.  
  
I thought I was going to lose you when that monster Bastion planted that bomb in you. I was so terrified of losing you, the mere idea of life with out you left me shocked with eternity like a lonely black hole. Scott, you were so much the leader then, demanding we leave you so we wouldn't have to deal with the explosion. We conquered again, with the help of the x-men; this time the new ones. They were so much a part of our life but leaving them was the right decision, I wanted a family, as I know you did.  
  
The twelve dragged us back in, we only wanted to help the Professor and return to our idyllic home in Alaska. Things were going so well, the relationship between Nate and us was finally working and we were starting to bond. But, no we had to be two of the chosen twelve. It's almost comical that Apocalypse chose us and Cable as the family for his twelve powering him up. I wonder if he knew about the time we spent in the future as a *real* family fighting his rule. Most probably not, but it's a good idea.  
  
The whole thing was a game again, one I wanted out of, except had to be the hero and I as always followed. Always the hero, saving x-man and letting Apocalypse take over your body. Damn you Scott, why did you have to do it? For single moment frozen in time there was nothing, no buzz in the back of my head then I thankfully felt you again; fighting as always. During Apocalypse's little mind games I felt you fighting every way you could. Xavier didn't believe me after. I hated and still hate him for dragging us back in. why couldn't you say 'no' to him? Why did you have to be such a hero? Apocalypse now wears your body, what a joke that is, the greatest hero made into an immortal monster. I stopped Cable killing you, he doesn't believe you are there either, but he remembers you wearing your visor around his neck. X-man; our other Nate is trying to live up to you, I don't know if he can but he has the soul of a hero -all our children do, that's why we lose them... why I lost you.   
  
God the whole thing makes me so angry, you never listened to me, and I warned you this was a mistake, but we were needed. I don't know why I can't cry it's like I'm frozen. I feel anger at life, the world god. What's the point of giving us each other if I have to give you up to a monster who you are worth so much more than. The anger is swelling up inside me, I need you so much how can I do this without you? Answer me please...I need you so much, I can't breathe without you.  
  
I know you are still alive. You see I can feel you, it's faint like a hum but it's not nothing, I just can't actually talk to you yet, you're just there. So, I stand here at your grave remembering to give me strength, because I'm going to find you Scott Summers, someday, somehow and bring you home...to me. 


End file.
